


Starting Over

by captainamergirl



Category: All My Children, Another World (TV), As the World Turns, Ryan's Hope
Genre: Begins in 2013, Crossover, Ensemble Cast, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Post-AMC web series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-06-28 15:44:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19815391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamergirl/pseuds/captainamergirl
Summary: They had to start over. They had no choice.





	1. Going Backwards

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after the AMC web series, so sometime in 2013. Thanks for reading!

**Episode 1: Going Backwards**  
  
 _“Final boarding call for Flight 4901 – Los Angeles to Pine Valley, Pennsylvania.”_  
  
“That’s us – we have to hurry!” Kendall Hart said, reaching for Ian’s left hand and giving it a tug, pulling him forward as best as she could. She now regretted putting on these new black Louboutin stilettos. They were five inches in height and the heels were pencil-thin making running up an escalator not only difficult, but dangerous too. She had not gotten the chance to break them in either so the straps were biting into her ankles, rubbing her sensitive skin raw. She wanted to screech in, if not pain, at least irritation, but she wasn’t about to do so. Not in the middle of a crowded airport where everyone was already staring at them in exasperation as they literally climbed the escalator, jostling other riders all the way up, in their hurry to make their flight on time.  
  
Ian extracted his hand and whispered, “Mom!” in an accusing voice. Of course. He was nine. No nine year old boy wanted to hold hands with a girl, especially if said girl was their mother.  
  
“Sorry,” Kendall whispered back and gave him what she hoped passed for an apologetic smile. She looked back at the three stragglers in their traveling party. Spike was halfway down the escalator, Emma somewhere near the bottom, and Greenlee, looking pale and exhausted, was just barely climbing on.  
  
“We have to hurry,” Kendall reiterated. “We can’t miss our flight.”  
  
“Whose idea was it to fly commercial anyway?” Emma muttered, somehow hearing Kendall over the loud din. Her reed-thin arms were crossed and her sandal-clad, pink feet were firmly planted on one stair. She was clearly refusing to do any hiking. Apparently the others were okay with missing the flight. Kendall empathized with them. This wasn’t a happy occasion. They were returning to Pine Valley for Thanksgiving but it wasn’t because of the holiday or any of the accompanying festivities that went with the celebration. They were returning because they had to. They were going to have to say goodbye and no one was looking forward to that.  
  
Kendall shrugged, not knowing how to answer Emma. She very well could have called her ex-husband and had him send his private jet to California to pick them up but that would have involved actually talking to Zach and sometimes that was just so hard for her.  
  
But at least he’s alive. At least he’s alive and I can still be pissed at him, Kendall thought as she finally reached the landing.  
  
Greenlee doesn’t have that luxury.  
  
Kendall berated herself for not having swallowed her pride. She looked at Greenlee again. Greenlee was leaning heavily on the railing as the escalator slowly climbed upwards. She looked miserable and Kendall’s heart hurt for her best friend. Her heart hurt for herself too, if she were completely honest. She had loved Ryan as well. Not only was he Spike’s father, he had been her everything once upon a time too - a time when things seemed a hell of a lot simpler.  
  
Kendall hadn’t allowed herself to cry over this. She wouldn’t, not for awhile anyway. Greenlee, Spike, Emma… They had to be her priority right now. She could come apart when no one was looking, when no one was leaning on her, depending on her to be stronger than she felt that she knew how to be.  
  
Kendall’s heels finally met solid ground and she and Ian stood off to the side of the landing while they waited for the other three. Spike was the next off the escalator and Kendall sighed as she looked at the miserable expression in his gray eyes. In almost every way, even at the age of eleven, he was the spitting image of his father Ryan. Handsome, tall, lean, with impossible-to-believe-it-didn’t-come-from-a-bottle bronzed skin. Kendall’s chest clenched.  
  
“Hey, Spike,” Kendall said as he came towards her. She wanted to hug him so hard but she didn’t dare, knowing somehow that he wouldn’t appreciate it, especially right now. He scuffed his large Converse shoes on the ground as he walked, half-hiding his face inside the lining of his orange hoodie. She didn’t know what else to say right now. Nothing that came to mind sounded appropriate. Ryan was supposed to be there for Spike. He was supposed to say and do all the right things. But he wouldn’t. Ever again. He was gone. Just gone. And he wasn’t coming back.  
  
As she had expected would be the case, Spike didn’t answer Kendall. He just crossed his sinewy arms and turned to stare down the escalator. Emma finally reached the landing and she walked off and stood a good five to six feet away from Kendall and her sons. Emma’s ice blue eyes were sharp and all-seeing and she held herself rigidly around her tiny waist. She was wearing a pink and white slip dress and the thought briefly flitted through Kendall’s mind that once they landed in Pennsylvania, she was going to regret not having worn a sweater. But it wasn’t Kendall’s place to tell Emma what to wear or what to do. Greenlee was her stepmother.  
  
Though the sad truth was that Emma and Greenlee just didn’t communicate all that well, and they never had. Greenlee had tried very hard to break down Emma’s walls and Emma had always resisted every attempt. They had called a truce somewhere along the line for Ryan’s sake, but Ryan - the tie that kept them tethered - was gone now. What would become of them? Kendall worried for Greenlee and Emma, and for Spike, and for anyone who had ever known and loved Ryan Lavery, including herself. Ryan had been such a major part of Kendall for so long. She wasn’t sure what she was doing anymore but she told herself that she had to try to keep everyone together, somehow, someway.  
  
She sighed, inwardly, not loud enough for anyone to overhear her. She watched as Greenlee finally reached the landing. Kendall immediately moved over to her friend and wrapped her arm around Greenlee’s teeny-tiny waist. Greenlee sagged gratefully against Kendall for a second, a very brief second, before straightening her posture and pasting a determined expression on her oh-so-pretty face. Kendall knew that Greenlee was trying her damndest to appear strong but that the facade was so close to completely crumbling to pieces. If Greenlee started crying right then, Kendall knew she would be tempted to do so as well. Then everything would come toppling down to the ground, right then and there, in the middle of an overcrowded LAX airport terminal – just a mere two days before what should have been a happy Thanksgiving.  
  
“Gate 478,” Kendall whispered in Greenlee’s ear. “It should be right around that corner. We just gotta hurry.”  
  
Greenlee nodded and Kendall moved in time with her. They moved slower than was wise on a time-crunch but the kids followed them and they all finally arrived at the gate. Kendall opened her clutch purse and withdrew their five tickets, passing them to a chunky, pimply-faced female ticket collector standing at the entrance to the jet way. Kendall shivered a little underneath her black dress coat. There should be six tickets. When they used to travel with the Laverys (which was quite often in the past), there had always been six tickets. Five was an odd number. Uneven. It felt just very wrong.  
  
Kendall tried to shake off her depressing thoughts as they were soon boarding the plane. They found their seats in First Class, settling in as best as they could. Emma took a row by herself, seeming to prefer solitary right now. The boys sat together in the middle row and Kendall sunk into a seat beside Greenlee across the aisle.  
  
Greenlee pressed her forehead to the window and stared out the glass. Kendall watched her, unsure of what to do or say. Kendall had never not known what to say to her best friend, never. Right then, she desperately wanted to tell Greenlee that everything was going to be alright but it would be a lie. Greenlee was a widow. Again. A widow two times over. It was so wrong. Greenlee was supposed to get her happy ending, the one she had fought tooth and nail for. Kendall had actually thought that of the two of them, Greenlee would be the one to end up with everything that she had desired. Kendall was even okay with it; she hadn’t begrudged her friend completeness.   
  
But Greenlee had lost again, which meant she had to start over again.  
  
The flight attendants came around then and instructed them to put on their seatbelts. They would be taking off in two minutes. Kendall watched Greenlee for a moment more and then pressed her head back against her seat cushion. They were soon taxiing down the runway.   
  
As the nose of the plane arched up to touch the sky, Kendall whispered to Greenlee, “I’m sorry.”  
  
Greenlee didn’t speak but Kendall felt her friend latch onto her hand, and hold on tightly, as if for dear life.  
  
By the time they had hit maximum altitude and the seatbelt lights went off, Kendall was feeling oddly restless. She wanted to order some red wine to quiet her nerves but instead settled for a club soda. She looked over at her boys. Ian was hacking away at some mini-video game console and Spike was resting against the seat, ankles crossed, listening to his IPod with his eyes closed. Kendall sincerely doubted that he was asleep.  
  
Kendall’s eyes wandered over to Emma. She was sitting rigidly in the overstuffed chair, tapping her perfect French-tipped nails on the arm rest. She stared straight ahead at something Kendall couldn’t even pretend to see.  
  
Kendall finally turned back to Greenlee, lightly nudging her with her elbow. “Cosmo?” She asked.  
  
Greenlee shook her head. “I seriously can’t get drunk on the flight.”  
  
“We’ll be up here for five-plus hours, Greenlee. Besides, one Cosmo never hurt anyone.”  
  
“Then why did you order soda?” Greenlee asked. Kendall looked away. “Oh. Because you have to be the chaperon, the responsible one. Or you think you do. But you don’t, okay? Cause I’m fine.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Kendall, come on. Just don’t do this.”  
  
“You’re allowed to not be ‘fine’ right now, Greens. Your husband –“  
  
“I know,” Greenlee practically spat. “I know. He’s dead. Ryan’s dead. Just like Leo before him. They’re dead and they’re not coming back. Do you really think that I can just forget that – even for a second?”  
  
“No, of course not.”  
  
Greenlee grimaced. “You know, I can’t just lie down and cry and cry some more like I did with Leo. Emma needs me to be strong for her.”  
  
“She understands that you’re human.”  
  
“Look, Kendall, I appreciate what you’re doing – the whole, ‘I’ll be strong for you right now because you can’t be’ routine - but I won’t come apart right now. I need to get thru this funeral and if I start really balling now…”  
  
Kendall sighed. “You probably hate me.”  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
“I mean, it was my idea to bury Ryan back in Pine Valley, next to Braeden, Erin and Sarah. Maybe I just –just pushed for this too hard. We could have scattered his ashes out over the ocean like Californians always do…”  
  
“No, you were right about this. This isn’t easy – in fact, it’s anything but … However; Pine Valley was Ryan’s home for such a long time... I think he would approve of us laying him to rest there. I mean, he would, right?” She sniffled and lowered her voice. “He really didn’t tell me, you know. We thought we’d have another forty years together, at the very least. So we didn’t make any funeral plans and now I don’t know… I don’t know what to do.” Greenlee’s eyes wetted with tears. “I don’t want to cry, Kendall. I told you I don’t want to cry. Especially not in front of the kids.”  
  
“Uh … Well, Greenlee, your nose … it’s really shiny,” Kendall suddenly pronounced. “Maybe you should go powder it a little. Or a lot.”  
  
Greenlee nodded, giving Kendall a grateful look. “God. You’re right. It’s probably impossibly shiny right now. I’ll just use the restroom and uh, powder my nose. Then I’ll come back and I’ll be… I’ll be fine.”  
  
Kendall scooted her legs aside so Greenlee could move past her. Greenlee hurried to the lavatory and shut the door tightly after her.  
  
Kendall looked over at the kids again. They stared back at her for a second and she knew that they weren’t buying this. They knew that Greenlee didn’t care about having a shiny nose right now. They knew that she was going to cry – or sob, more likely. She needed to cry and she needed to grieve… The truth was that they all did.


	2. Back Home

**Episode 2: Back Home**   
  
“Oh, Tad, Barbados was absolutely perfect in November,” Dixie said as the plane bumped its way down the runway. "Why did we have to leave it again?”   
  
“I don’t know, but I am already regretting coming back. It’s raining cats and dogs out there,” he said, gesturing towards the cabin window.   
  
“Well sure enough,” Dixie said as she peeked out at the gray sky. Fat raindrops pelted the windowpane.   
  
“We’re going to have a hell of a time finding a cab in this weather,” Tad complained.   
  
“That settles it. Back to Barbados we go.”   
  
“Oh that we could run back there but we both have work on Monday remember? Work and obligations galore, in fact. We can’t just slip away again, no matter how much we’d like to.”   
  
“Well don’t you sound responsible, Tad.”   
  
“I know and it’s making me chafe.”   
  
Dixie chuckled. “Well, it’s certainly a change but I think I like this new, mature Tad Martin.”   
  
“I don’t want to be mature or responsible.”   
  
She smiled. “But you’re right, Tad. We  _do_ have obligations here. We also have family here. The honeymoon was a welcome respite from Pine Valley but now it’s time to get back to reality.”   
  
“Have I ever told you how much I hate reality?”   
  
“Now that sounds more like the Tad I know and love,” Dixie said. She pecked his cheek and dabbed at the lipstick residue that lingered. “Look, they’re unboarding everyone now. We’d better go.”   
  
“Do we have to go?”   
  
“Yes we do. Now come on,” Dixie said. She had to forcibly grab his arm and pull him upwards to get him to budge. As they were in First Class, the flight attendants were already waiting with their carry-on luggage. Tad took the larger bag and Dixie, the smaller.   
  
“Thank you for flying Air Windsor,” the male flight attendant said with a large, unnatural smile.   
  
“Thank  _you,”_ Dixie returned.   
  
She and Tad walked off the plane together, headed down the long jetway. The main part of the airport was teaming with people. Tad and Dixie didn’t make it all the way to baggage claim unscathed. Tad got jostled right into a wall and Dixie took three or four hard jabs to her side via another woman's bony elbow.   
  
“Remind me to never, ever travel during the holidays,” Tad said, rubbing his arm which had taken the brunt of the impact when he smacked into the wall.   
  
They reached baggage claim only to find themselves a good twenty-feet from the baggage drop. They shook their heads at each other and then fell into line. While they waited, they talked about their trip - shopping for souvenirs, frolocking on the beach, making love in the surf...    
  
As they finally moved up a few inches in the line, Tad suddenly spotted the back of a familiar-looking head. Tight chestnut curls tapered down to a trim body. The woman was dressed in a sleek black pantsuit.   
  
“Dixie, does that mop of curly hair look familiar to you?” Tad asked.   
  
“Where?”   
  
“There,” Tad said, pointing in the direction of the familiar figure.   
  
“Yes. I think that's Kendall Hart.”   
  
Sure enough, the woman turned partway in their direction, revealing an even more petite figure beside her. “Greenlee,” Dixie said. “Greenlee, Kendall and their kids who aren’t really kids at all anymore. They’re all so grown up.”   
  
“We should probably say ‘hello’,” Tad said. “It wouldn’t be right not to.”   
  
“Tad, no. Not right now. They look busy.”   
  
“Oh come on. They’re stuck in line just like us.”   
  
“Yes, but they - Tad, wait!” Dixie called to him. He was already starting over to Kendall and Greenlee. She grabbed for the sleeve of his long shirt. “Stop. This is awkward. You have to remember Kendall doesn’t like me.”   
  
“Why would you say that?” Tad asked.   
  
“Two words. Zach Slater.”   
  
“Oh, right.” Tad remembered instantly. In his mind, he was right back to that time when Dixie had returned from the dead the first time and hadn’t wanted a thing to do with him. She had bonded with Zach instead, leaning on him until she was cruelly snatched away again. Thinking of that time still stung a bit, but Tad was just glad that Dixie had returned at all.   
  
“I don’t think she’s holding a grudge, Dixie,” Tad said.   
  
“Still I don’t want a scene.”   
  
“There won’t be one. Now come on.”   
  
Tad pushed his way through the crowd to Kendall and company. Kendall looked up as he closed the distance between them.   
  
“Tad, hello,” Kendall greeted him with a surprised smile. The smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.   
  
“Hi there,” he returned. She offered him a warm hug.   
  
“Tad, it’s been such a long time,” Kendall said.   
  
“Too long. About ten years right?”   
  
“Well not quite that long,” Kendall said with another smile that still didn’t reach her eyes.   
  
“You look great, Kendall. You all do.”   
  
“Thank you,” Kendall replied. She called Greenlee over and she and Tad also exchanged embraces. Tad couldn’t help but notice that this didn’t look like a very happy group of people.   
  
Dixie finally reached them. “Hello, everyone,” she said with a bit of a nervous smile, especially where Kendall was concerned.   
  
“Hello, Dixie,” Kendall said in a low, but not unkind tone of voice.   
  
“My goodness. Your children have really grown up.”   
  
Kendall nodded. “They certainly have.” She looked at the others. “Kids, say ‘hello’ to Tad and Dixie Martin. They’re friends of the family.”   
  
“I’m sure they’re too young to remember us, but hello,” Dixie said. She and Tad received varying degrees of disinterested replies.   
  
“Are you back to good old PV for the holiday?” Tad asked. He watched all of their expressions immediately droop. “Wait. Did I say something wrong?”   
  
“No, Tad, it’s not you,” Greenlee spoke. “You are all going to find out anyway so we might as well tell you. We’re not here for the festivities or the turkey. We’re here to -” her voice wavered “to - to say goodbye to someone we all love so much.”   
  
“Ryan,” Tad said quietly. He should have figured this out before. Greenlee nodded. “I’m sorry. I know that seems like such a platitude but -”   
  
“I know you mean it, Tad,” Greenlee said. “We all know you do.”   
  
Dixie splayed her hands helplessly. “Please accept our sincerest condolences. Tell us if there’s anything we can do.”   
  
“Would you two be willing to come to the funeral - the day after Thanksgiving?” Greenlee asked. Saying the word “funeral”, she noticeably sagged. Kendall caught her against her side.   
  
“Of course,” Tad said.    
  
Dixie nodded her agreement. “Ryan was such a good man.”   
  
“Yes, yes, he was,” Greenlee said.   
  
Kendall nodded. “We’re all just … figuring out where to go from here.”   
  
“Understandable,” Tad said. His chest ached. Seeing the hurt in all of their eyes was almost too much to take.   
  
Emma looked at Greenlee. “I just saw my suitcase go by.”   
  
“Oh, let’s go get it then,” Greenlee said. She waved to Tad and Dixie. “It was nice seeing you.”   
  
“I wish it could have been under better circumstances,” Tad murmured and watched Greenlee and the children meld into the crowd.   
  
“Kendall, you really have to tell us what we can do for you,” Dixie said.   
  
“You’ve done it by agreeing to attend the funeral,” Kendall said. She hugged Tad again. “Thank you. We’ll be seeing you.”   
  
“Yes,” Tad agreed. He watched as Kendall was swallowed up by the crowd. He turned to Dixie and pulled her into a crushing embrace, burying his lips in her soft blonde hair.   
  
“Oh, Tad, what they are all going through…”   
  
“I know,” Tad said. “I know. I remember how lost I was when I thought you were really gone...But you came back, Dix. That was a miracle I don’t think will be afforded to Greenlee and her family though.”   
  
XoXoXo   
  
“It was nice to see Tad,” Kendall said as they all slipped into the back of the limo. She had had the forethought to call ahead for one so they weren’t standing under the leaky eaves like everyone else out tonight.   
  
Greenlee nodded. “It was.”   
  
Kendall looked at her little family and sighed softly. They were all so miserable. So was she actually, and she couldn’t begin to discuss it. She couldn’t let anyone see how devastated she was. Greenlee was right; she was trying to be strong for all of them.   
  
Kendall hit the button for the intercom, telling the driver to take them to The Valley Inn. Emma tapped furiously on her phone as Ian played video games and Spike stared at the window, looking lost and vulnerable. Kendall longed to pull her son into her arms and tell him everything would be okay but she knew he wouldn't welcome that right now and she couldn’t lie to him either. What were the chances things would ever be alright again?   
  
Rain pounded the roof of the limo as they drove through town. Travelling these familiar streets made Kendall somehow sadder. She had met Ryan here in Pine Valley. He had been her world for the longest time. She couldn’t figure out how they were all supposed to go on from here.   
  
They reached the Inn and checked in. They could have stayed with Bianca and her girls but tonight they didn’t want to be fussed over and that’s what Bianca would have done - in her very well-meaning way, of course.   
  
Once they were checked into their suite, Greenlee and Emma turned in for the night, as did the boys.   
  
In her own room, Kendall took off the punishing heels and slid into a pair of baggy gray pants and a white tee-shirt. She tried to get comfortable on her bed but it was not working. She decided to check on everyone else instead. She found Ian and Spike fast asleep. She stood in the doorway for a long moment, watching her baby boys for a moment with a severe ache in her heart.   
  
She started down the hall again. She spotted Emma sitting at the kitchen table, absent-mindedly munching on an apple while she texted.   
  
“Need anything?” Kendall asked.   
  
Emma jumped in her chair. She quickly righted herself. “No.”   
  
“Are you sure?”   
  
“I’m sure,” Emma said.   
  
“Is Greenlee asleep?”   
  
“How should I know?” Emma said. She stood and walked away, disappearing into a room at the end of the long hallway.   
  
Kendall sighed and moved for Greenlee’s door. She heard muffled cries coming from the other side. She knocked. “Hey, Greens, it’s me. I came bearing gifts.”   
  
“What kind of gifts?” Greenlee said after a long moment.   
  
“Well, sloppy hugs,” Kendall said.   
  
Greenlee sighed loudly. “I guess I could use some of those.”   
  
The door opened in the next moment and Greenlee was standing there in a pair of peach silk pajamas. Her hair was tousled and her makeup-free face was streaked with tears.   
  
“I didn’t expect it to hit me this hard,” she whispered. “Not until we walked out of the airport and saw Pine Valley again did it really slam me. Right in the gut. But it  _has_ hit me and I don’t know what to do. I hate being like this.”   
  
“Greenlee, you’re allowed to be upset,” Kendall said. She pulled her best friend into her arms.   
  
“But you’re upset too, Kendall,” Greenlee said, leaning against her. “You’re trying to put on a brave front but I know you. You loved Ryan too. This has got to be killing you as well.”   
  
“I loved Ryan, yes, but Greenlee, he was your husband.”   
  
“So that doesn’t mean I am the only one who can be upset. While you are so busy taking care of me, Kendall, who’s taking care of you?”   
  
Kendall squeezed back tears. “Don’t worry about me, Greens. I’ll be fine.”   
  
“You’re being such a hard ass.”   
  
“Greenlee, I’m not broken.”   
  
“And you think I am?”   
  
“That’s not what I meant.”   
  
“Well, it’s true. Okay? I am, Kendall. I am fucking broken. I lost Leo and now Ryan. Two times a widow. I’m a jinx.”   
  
“Don’t say that.”   
  
“I don’t know if I can do this.”   
  
“You don’t have to do it alone. I’ll be here. Now come on. Get into bed. You need to rest.”   
  
“So do you.”   
  
“I’ll rest in a bit.”   
  
“Kendall…”   
  
“Fine, I’ll rest here with you.”   
  
“Okay.”   
  
Greenlee took Kendall by the hand and led her over to the bed. They both settled onto it and just held each other close throughout the night.   
  
XoXoXo   
  
Kendall was up before anyone else. Only when she was standing under the high pressure spray in the shower did she really allow herself to cry. Muffling sobs with her hands clasped over her mouth, she ended up collapsing against the sleek shower wall. She rocked herself back and forth. It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much. It wasn’t supposed to hurt this fucking much.   
  
XoXoXo   
  
Kendall stayed in the shower for twenty minutes, trying to compose herself. Once she had climbed out and toweled dry, she dressed in a pair of simple black slacks and a matching button down blouse.   
  
She then went down the hall, checking on everyone. They were all still fast asleep. Good. That meant they hadn’t heard her come undone in the shower.   
  
Deciding that they all needed to eat something scrumptious and most of all, fortifying, this morning, she put a note on the table where it couldn’t be missed, inviting them all to breakfast in the dining room.    
  
She headed downstairs to wait for them. She secured a table for five - it should have been six; it felt wrong that it wasn’t - and was shown to a table. She ordered orange juice.   
  
The waitress had no sooner left than she heard footsteps approaching again. She instinctively turned in her chair. Her eyes went wide as she saw who was striding towards her, purpose in his every step.   
  
_“Zach,”_ she whispered.


	3. Visiting the Past

** Episode 3: Visiting the Past **   
  
_“Zach,”_ Kendall said again. Zach offered her a smile. He still looked so handsome; it was a little cruel. Here she was with no makeup and probably looking like hell warmed over.   
  
“Hello, Kendall,” Zach said. He moved towards her like he was going to embrace her but then stopped, seeming to think better of it. “You look wonderful.”   
  
Kendall sighed. “You always were a good liar.” If she sounded bitter, it’s because she was. He had put their sons in danger because he chose to do business with the wrong people. There was a big part of her that couldn’t forgive him for that and another part that said she should get over it; that she should move on. After all, she knew better than anyone, that life was too damn short.   
  
Zach sighed too. “I meant it.” He pointed to the chair across from her. “May I?”   
  
Kendall nodded. “Yes.” She didn’t know why she was letting him even talk to her, but there it was.   
  
“Ian told me about Ryan,” Zach said.   
  
Kendall’s snapped to his. “Wait! You’ve been in contact with my son?”   
_  
“Our_ son, Kendall,” Zach said. “I love Ian. I love Spike too. Of course I’m going to keep an eye on them.”   
  
“How long have you been talking to Ian without my knowledge?”   
  
Zach ran a hand down his face. “For awhile. He calls me every once in awhile to chat.”   
  
“Dammit, Zach! I don’t want you having contact with the kids, not after you endangered their lives with your shall we say, unorthodox business practices.”   
  
“I am sorry. But I am out of that. For good. The casino is completely legit now. I learned my lesson when I lost everything.”   
  
“Once you are in, it’s hard to get out.”   
  
“I made it happen. I had to. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing everything and everyone I cared about again. Are Ian and Spike with you?”   
  
Kendall nodded slowly. “Yes, but it would be much better for them if you kept your distance.”   
  
“Let them decide. Come on, Kendall. They’re in no danger from me.”   
  
“What if I don’t believe you?”   
  
“Give me the benefit of the doubt.”   
  
“I’ve done that too many times to count,” Kendall shot back.   
  
“Can I see them if you’re there at the time?”   
  
“You won’t let this go?”   
  
“No, I won’t.”   
  
“Maybe,” Kendall said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, the waitress is bringing my drink.”   
  
“Kendall-”   
  
“Zach, please. This is a hard enough time without you pressuring me like this.”   
  
“Yes, about Ryan… We had many differences but I wouldn’t wish this on him. Or you or Greenlee, for that matter. I know how much you cared about him, Kendall.”   
  
Kendall just nodded. The waitress set her orange juice down in front of her. Zach stared at her for a long moment and then stood up. “My condolences,” he said and walked away. Kendall watched him under her eyelashes for a moment. Damn him for being so nice and accommodating.   
  
Kendall took a sip of her juice. Her cell phone rang suddenly and she pulled it from her purse, putting it to her ear. “Kendall Hart,” she said, instinctively reverting to business mode because it was easier to be that way than to be the emotional mess she’d acting like of late.   
  
“Kendall, its Bianca,” her sister’s soft voice greeted her ears.   
  
“Hi, Binx,” Kendall said quietly. “How are you?”   
  
“I should be asking you that. In fact, I will. How are you?”   
  
“I am … managing,” Kendall said.   
  
“How’s Greenlee?”   
  
“Devastated. It’s too much for her, Bianca. She’s always been this force of nature but this … She wasn’t prepared for it. Neither of us were.”   
  
“I understand that,” Bianca said. “All too well.” She sighed softly. “Can I come see you all today? I can bring the girls with me.”   
  
“That would be nice,” Kendall said. She hadn’t wanted to deal with Bianca mothering her last night but now she knew she needed the comfort only her beloved sister could offer her. They all needed Bianca’s sweet spirit around right now. “We’re at The Valley Inn.”   
  
“I remember. Sure you won’t change your mind and come to stay at my house?”   
  
“No, it's okay,” Kendall said. “I think this is working for us for now.”   
  
“Okay. What time should I come around?”   
  
“Maybe two hours? We’re all going to have breakfast. At least I hope we will.”   
  
“Two hours, it is,” Bianca said. “I’ll see you soon.”   
  
“I love you, Bianca,” Kendall said. “Thank you for everything.”   
  
“I love you too, Kendall,” Bianca said. “If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”   
  
“I will.”   
  
The sisters disconnected and Kendall returned to sipping her orange juice. She sat there for more than half an hour before admitting to herself that her family was not going to join her. With a long sigh, she paid for her drink and headed back upstairs.   
  
XoXoXo   
  
Zach reached his Lexus and leaned against it. They wouldn’t be having breakfast at The Valley Inn after all, out of respect for Kendall’s wishes. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed. She answered on the third ring.   
  
“Hey,” Zach said. “There’s been a change of plans. Can we meet up somewhere else instead?”   
  
XoXoxo   
  
“Miranda! Gabby!  _Three minutes!”_ Bianca reached Miranda’s ears from somewhere downstairs.   
  
Miranda sighed as she yanked on a flowing paisley top and zipped her jeans. She didn’t want to go to this family thing, whatever it amounted to. It would be too depressing. Greenlee’s husband was dead. It wasn’t like this would be a fun or happy occasion. She would rather hang out with AJ. Not that she got to see him much these days. He was wrapped around that Heather Kent like a second skin almost every time she saw him. She wanted to hate them both, especially Heather, but Heather was too nice and AJ … He was well, AJ.   
  
“Speak of the devil,” Miranda said as his ringtone sounded on her cell phone. AJ had programmed in the song “I’m Too Sexy” himself as a joke and it stuck. She liked to tease him about it sometimes.   
  
She put the phone to her ear as she shoved her feet into flats. “Hey,” she said.   
  
“Hey,” AJ returned. “What is my favorite best friend up to today?”   
  
Miranda sighed inwardly.  _Best friend._ Apparently that’s how AJ would always think of her. “Okay, considering,” Miranda answered.   
  
“Considering…”   
  
“My cousin Greenlee’s husband Ryan just died.”   
  
“Ryan?” AJ said, surprise evident in his voice. “Really?”   
  
“Yes, really,” Miranda said. “Would I make up something like that?”   
  
“No. It’s just I didn’t see that coming.”   
  
“Like any of us did,” Miranda said.   
  
“I’m sorry to hear it. Is there any chance I can try to cheer you up today?”   
  
Miranda’s heart rate sped up without her permission. She tried to sound calm. “What exactly would you do to cheer me up?”   
  
“Come find out. Meet me at my place in ten?” AJ said.   
  
“Oh, I -” Miranda paused. “Give me a minute, okay?” She really wanted to go. It had been too long since she and AJ really got to hang out together. She raced to her door, phone in hand, and headed down the stairs. She was running so fast she nearly toppled over seven-year-old Gabby who was coming out of the kitchen.   
  
“Hey, watch it!” Gabby said.   
  
“Sorry, Squirt.”   
  
“You’re not supposed to call me that. Remember?”   
  
Miranda rolled her eyes and raced for her mother in the living room. Bianca was gathering up her purse and turned to look at her daughters with a soft smile. “Good. You’re both ready. We can go now.”   
  
Miranda covered the mouthpiece on her phone. “Actually, Mom, about that-”   
  
Bianca sighed. “Miranda, you have to come.”   
  
“Mom, I want to, I do, but AJ asked me to hang out and it’s been a really long time since that happened so-”   
  
Bianca shook her head. “I’m sorry, Miranda, but this is too important. You can hang out with AJ another time.”   
  
“Mom!” Miranda protested. “You don’t understand how important this is to me.”   
  
“I do, but today, family trumps everything.”   
  
“Please?” Miranda pleaded.   
  
“I’m sorry, Miranda, but you are coming with us to see Greenlee, Kendall and the kids.”   
  
Miranda glared at her mom. She didn’t understand why Bianca would want her sitting around hand-holding in a depressing environment when she could be having fun with her best friend.   
  
She put her phone back to ear. “AJ, are you still there?”   
  
“Yeah, hanging onto every word,” AJ said. “So are you coming?”   
  
“I wish I could,” Miranda said. “But my mom -” she shot an accusing look at Bianca - “is insisting I go to this family thing today.” She swallowed hard. "Another time? Really soon?”   
  
“Yeah, of course,” AJ said but she didn’t know if she could believe him. What happened when Heather popped up?   
  
“Don’t have too much fun without me,” Miranda said.   
  
“Impossible without my best buddy,” AJ said. Miranda cringed at him calling her his best buddy. Yes, he had friend-zoned her a long time ago it seemed, and it cut like a bitch.   
  
“Well, bye,” Miranda said as her mom was waving them out the door.   
  
“Bye, Miranda,” AJ said and she heard the click of a dial tone.   
  
This sucked so bad.   
  
XoXoXo   
  
AJ sighed and tossed his phone down on his bed. He had really been looking forward to spending the day with Miranda. It seemed they were always just missing each other somehow these days. When Heather had told him she was going out of the town for the day on a school field trip, Miranda was the first and only person he wanted to hang out with.   
  
There was suddenly a knock at his bedroom door. “Is that you, Dad?” He asked, moving to open it. Instead of his dad though, Heather stood there, looking damn near tears.   
  
“Heather, what are you doing here?” AJ asked. “And why do you look like someone killed your puppy?”   
  
“AJ -” She started but broke off.   
  
He grasped her by the arm and pulled her into the room, forcing her down into the chair at his desk. “Tell me what’s going on.”   
  
Tears started to leak down her cheeks. “I am trying to … But finding the words is really hard.”   
  
AJ leaned on the edge of his desk and reached out, lightly running his fingers through her brown hair. “I take it the field trip sucked.”   
  
“I never made it,” Heather said. “I passed out before getting on the bus.”   
  
“Oh, shit, how did that happen?”   
  
“I don’t know. The school nurse came to check on me and she thinks I’m just dehydrated but, AJ, what if that’s not actually the reason I passed out?”   
  
AJ scratched his cheek thoughtfully. “Well, what else could it be?”   
  
“Uh … I am two weeks late,” Heather said.   
  
“Two weeks late for … Ohmigod.” AJ would have fallen off the desk if he hadn’t caught himself in time. “You’re actually-” He couldn’t say the word.    
  
“Maybe. I don’t know,” Heather cried, throwing up her hands. “It’s possible. We’ve been messing around for months and haven’t always used protection so-”   
  
AJ choked. “So you think it means -”   
  
“Maybe,” Heather said. “My period is usually pretty regular.”   
  
AJ stood up and began to pace furiously. “Ohmigod. Ohmigod. Ohmigod. We’re still in high school, Heather. I can’t be a father now.”   
  
“Well, I don’t exactly want to be a mother now either. I’ll be the butt of every joke at the Academy.”   
  
“I’m not ready for this,” AJ said. He had pictured himself having kids one day - one day, far away - but not with Heather, per se. Sure, he liked her but he didn’t think he was in love with her. If she was really …  _that_ … then it meant they were tied together for life. His life was ruined.   
  
“Are you going to take a test?” He asked, forcing himself to calm down as much as was possible when he felt incredibly sick to his stomach.   
  
“Yes,” Heather said. “I have to know.”   
  
“Yeah… When should you take it?”   
  
“Soon, I guess,” Heather said. Tears kept running down her cheeks. “But I can’t just go to the corner drugstore and buy a test. People know me here; they’ll talk.”   
  
“You’re right,” AJ agreed. “We should go out of town to do it. Llanview is pretty close but no one there really knows who we are.”   
  
“Should we go today?”   
  
AJ nodded, scooping up the keys to his Porsche. “Yeah, I guess so. We need to know the truth, no matter what it is.” Heather stood up and reached for his hand but he kept his arms at his sides. Right or wrong, at the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to touch her. That’s what got him into trouble in the first place.   
  
XoXoXo   
  
Kendall was the first to the suite door when there was a soft knock. She knew it had to be Bianca and her nieces. Sure enough, it was them. Bianca immediately enfolded Kendall in her slender arms. “Hey, Sister,” Kendall said, feeling a little choked up. She hadn’t seen Bianca in months, other than over frequent video chats. “I’m so glad you’re here.”   
  
“No other place I’d be right now,” Bianca returned. She pulled back and cupped Kendall’s cheeks in her hands. “What can I do?”   
  
“You’re doing it by being here,” Kendall said. She hugged Bianca again and then moved to her nieces. She hugged them fiercely. “God, you two, look at how grown up and beautiful you are.”   
  
Gabby smiled and Miranda shrugged. “Thanks. It’s good to see you,” Miranda said.   
  
“I wish it was under better circumstances,” Kendall said.   
  
“Me too,” Bianca murmured.   
  
“Now come in,” Kendall said. “Excuse the video games all over the place. Ian is obsessed with them. I think it helps pass the time.”   
  
Bianca nodded in understanding. Kendall gestured to the sofa and the three Montgomery women took up residence on it. “I am sorry about Cousin Ryan,” Gabby said. “Did he suffer a lot?”   
  
_“Gabby!”_ Miranda hissed, elbowing her in the side. “You can’t ask stuff like that.”   
  
Kendall shook her head. “No, it’s okay. It’s a fair question and no, they say he didn’t. That the impact -” she paused a moment trying to catch her breath - “happened and he was gone instantaneously.”   
  
“So he didn’t feel it,” Gabby said.   
  
Bianca touched Gabby’s hand. “Gabby…”   
  
“They say he didn’t,” Kendall said. “The medics on the scene said he didn’t even know what was coming. I just can’t believe a car could take out Ryan. He’d been through so much worse.” She sighed. “I’ll go get Greenlee and the kids.”   
  
She turned on her heel and went down the hall, calling to everyone. Spike and Ian appeared in the doorway of their room with solemn expressions on their faces. Kendall again wanted to hug the hell out of them but also didn’t want to smother them. She knew Spike especially would resent it.   
  
Emma appeared in the doorway at the end of the hall. She looked pissed off at having been interrupted in whatever she was doing. Probably texting her friends back in California.   
  
Greenlee was the last one to appear. She looked tired, haggard even. She was dressed in a black jacket and pencil skirt that made her look even more pale. Kendall offered her a weak smile. “On second thought, if you’re not up for chatting-”   
  
“It’s okay. I need to face the world sometime,” Greenlee said.   
  
The little family of five moved to the living room. Hugs and condolences were passed around to everyone and finally they all sat down. Ian showed Gabby his video game console while everyone else stared at each other.   
  
Bianca looked at Greenlee. “Again, I’m so sorry for your loss. I know that’s a platitude, or sounds like one, but I sincerely am sad that Ryan is gone.”   
  
“Me too,” Greenlee said. “And thank you for your kind words.” Bianca and Greenlee had had issues in the past but the moment they locked eyes, the old, harsh feelings faded away. Sudden death was a tragic unifier.   
  
Bianca nodded. “Of course. Is there anything I can do to help?”   
  
“I don’t think so,” Greenlee said. “Kendall is handling the details for the funeral so…” She sucked in a greedy breath. “I can’t believe we’re burying him the day after tomorrow. It’s Thanksgiving time, you know. It’s supposed to be a time for happiness and family.”   
  
Bianca reached for Greenlee’s hand, squeezing her fingers gently. “It may not be a happy time but we’re still a family… even with one less member. And we can and should lean on each other right now.”   
  
Greenlee dashed at a stray tear. “You’re right,” she sniffled. “I’ve still got Emma and all of you.”   
  
Emma shook her head. “Can I go?” She asked.   
  
“Emma -” Greenlee and Kendall started.   
  
“No, I can’t do it!” Emma said. “I can’t sit around listening to you all be sad. It makes me sick. It’s bad enough that I have to bury my dad but I don’t want to talk about it.” She jumped to her feet. “I’m going for a walk, whether you all like it or not.”   
  
Greenlee sighed. “You shouldn’t be out there alone.”   
  
“I will be fine,” Emma said.   
  
Miranda looked between the women. “I could come with you, Emma.”   
  
“No, thank you,” Emma said stiffly. She headed for the door of the suite and before anyone could stop her, she was gone, slamming the door after her.   
  
Greenlee sighed. “She is so upset. And hurt and angry.”   
  
“I think we can all relate,” Kendall said quietly.   
  
“Yes, but I think she blames me for this.”   
  
“Now why would she do that?” Bianca asked.   
  
“Because she never has really cared for me and because I let Ryan go on that bike ride that night.”   
  
“Like you could have stopped him,” Kendall said. “Ryan loved riding. Plus, no one could have foreseen that this would happen. Certainly not you.”   
  
“Still…”   
  
“Kendall’s right, Greenlee,” Bianca said. “None of this is your fault. It took me a long time to stop feeling I was responsible for what happened to Marissa. Sometimes I still have moments where I think I could have done more to save her though. It’s a human feeling.”   
  
“You couldn’t have stopped what happened to Marissa,” Greenlee said. "Don’t blame yourself.”   
  
“You can’t blame yourself either,” Bianca replied. “But it’s okay to feel your feelings, to get angry and cry.”   
  
“I  _am_ angry. So angry,” Greenlee said. “The guy who stole Ryan from us… He was texting and not paying attention. A damn text to his girlfriend about their dinner plans was more important than anyone else on the road - more important than a human life!   
  
“And I’m angry with Ryan,” Greenlee went on. “I shouldn’t be, but he swore he’d never leave me like Leo did and he - he lied.”   
  
Greenlee covered her face and Kendall reached for her best friend, pulling her into a tight hug. Bianca joined in the hug and they all held each other close for the longest time.


End file.
